


When I was Young

by ghostyplasma



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Brief mentions of overdose, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Romance, Smut, explicit - Freeform, mostly fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-06 16:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostyplasma/pseuds/ghostyplasma
Summary: Simon’s hand falls on Kieren’s knee. “Death feels like a tragic thing. It’s a living habit. Don’t be sorry. Please. You are a curious, marvelous, gorgeous individual. I want to tell you everything. Anything you want to know.” He gives him a quirk of his mouth. “I am yours for the taking, as they say.”





	1. Left to be Desired

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t edited this yet. I haven’t even reread. Ignore mistakes. More juiciness to “come.” Haha. It’s 2 am

It is late. The dial reads 0300 in orange letter. Kieren sifts softly through the other’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp more as a soothing habit. He knows Simon can’t feel it, not really, but it’s something he’s carried over from his mum from when he was young. Whenever he was sick or even noncompliant during bedtime she would lay with him and pet him, tickle his back until he finally slept. 

“Can I ask you something?” Kieren lilts. His tongue pokes out to lick his dry lips. A noncommittal grunting from his lap serves to encourage him. “Where were you when you died? What were you doing...? Were it an accident, or did...?” He trails off, unsure how to continue. His hand stops its petting, instead going to trail across Simon’s jaw. He feels the joint there tighten and loosen as Simon thinks up how to answer. 

“I am from Dublin.” He starts slowly. “I was born in Naas, ‘s a little more to the south than the city. I stayed on in Dublin for a while. My mum had a bad dose, cancer, shipped all of us up to the Royal Preston. It’s a hospital my nan got treatment, kept her on for a couple more years. An’ so she insisted she be treated there instead of, I dunno, somewhere posh an’ up ‘n coming in London.” 

Simon looks up at him finally. There is something strange behind his cool eyes. He squints, a painful expression breaking through as he tries to keep it folded up and packed away. Kieren listens for more, eager though subdued. 

“I died very stupidly, Kieren. Very, very wastefully.” He sits up now. His back is to Kieren. The blond thinks to reach out, to touch, but isn’t sure if that’s what Simon wants. A good minute flies by until he starts again. 

“I stole some of the money my dad was using to pay for our hotel. I used it to-“ he bites the tip of his tongue, anger showing just then- “to fuck myself up. I got loaded. It was cut wrongly. Something bad.” He turns to look at him. “And then I died.” 

“I’m sorry.” It’s all he could think of. He feels guilty for asking. A frog forms in his throat. 

Simon’s hand falls on Kieren’s knee. “Death feels like a tragic thing. It’s a living habit. Don’t be sorry. Please. You are a curious, marvelous, gorgeous individual. I want to tell you everything. Anything you want to know.” He gives him a quirk of his mouth. “I am yours for the taking, as they say.”

Kieren breathes out shakily. He watches Simon’s eyes dart down to catch him licking his lips. Something churns inside, deep in his gut, a distant feeling that only Simon has given him. He remembers to take a breath, if only for the familiar comfort it brings. 

“Kieren.” Says Simon, barely above a whisper. “You’ve a far-away look. Come back.” Their eyes meet. Kieren is wearing contacts today. Simon is not, and the blond thinks he actually prefers it. 

“I’m here.” He relents, nearly hoarse. “I am. I’m sorry. It’s awful. I didn’t mean to... I feel bad. Sad.” For a moment, he nearly forgets who he’s talking to. “I’m so sick of all the sadness around me. It’s inevitable, I get it, I do, but do we have to suffer all the time? Every day? It’s-“ he almost laughs outright, “it’s excessive. We deserve to be happy too. We deserve to be carefree as well. Right?” 

Simon wears a softer look now. The crease between his brow is smooth, his lips now set in a soft, inviting curve. “Has it not been I to speak nearly those same words to you, Kier?”

Kieren shoves his hands into Simon’s that lay in his lap once he turns to fully face him. “I don’t want either of us to get preachy. I don’t want to get preachy. I just... I don’t know. I want to see you happy.”

Not a beat missed, Simon squeezes the blond’s hands. “You make me happy.”

Simon pats Kieren on the knees, tells him to scoots up more on the couch. When he sits properly, he spreads his legs and asks without the words for Kieren to come to him. Kieren gives him a disbelieving look. 

“What?” The brunet asks, nonchalant. 

“What?” Kieren replies. 

“Come.”

“No.”

“Kieren,”

“I’m not climbing on top of you. That’s embarrassing. I’m not a girl.” 

“You’re right. You’re not. And yet,” Simon sighs, “I want you here.”

Neither pipes up. Kieren almost wants to see how long he can last before Simon wrangles him onto his lap. Thinking it better not to be man handled, he waits two more beats before he moves. He takes one deep breath, feeling ridiculous as his leg swings over and he settles into an awkward pile of long fawn legs and a frown. 

“That’s all I wanted.” Says he. “I want you.” He speaks it softly, without expectation or any pressure behind his words. 

“I do too.”

“But?”

“There’s not always a ‘but,’ y’ weirdo.” Kieren says, trying to adjust into a more comfortable sprawl. He feels exposed despite being fully clothed. 

“There is, in your voice, just now. What is it?”

Kieren plays with the last two buttons of Simon’s shirt. He does and undoes both carefully, concentrating on the flash of white flesh revealing itself to him. He blinks habitually, breathes in and out and in until he feels he can’t stall any longer.

“I am afraid... sometimes. With you.”

“I understand.” He says sagely. 

“Do you?”

Simon nods, and really thinks he does. He purses his lips just a little. 

“You are... you must know. You’re so much more experienced than I am, Si, and it worries me because I know, I know I haven’t gone nearly as far as you have. You’re nine years older than me. D’you know that? You have this whole leap of adulthood that I will never, ever get to have and it scares me. I feel self conscious of myself sometimes when I’m around you, and sometimes I think I like it because I know that in the end you make me feel- good. About myself. And us. And I guess... everything else.” He knows if his heart still beat, it’d be pounding in his chest right about now. He knows his hands would get clammy and his upper lip would perspire. Here he is, sitting in the lap of a man, a _grown_ man, who he so desperately wants to carry on with. And still...

“And still there are these obstacles. Things we’ll never get to do. Things- Simon, that I- that I _want_ with you... But I can’t have. And it frustrates me.” 

This whole time, Simon looks at him with a patience. His fingers make circles at the small of Kieren’s back whilst he blubbers. He makes absolutely sure that Kieren gets out all that he needs to say before even thinking about speaking. When Kieren looks back at him, hopefully and desperately, only then does he answer. 

“In some ways... you are right. Like, for instance, yes. I have had sex.” It gives him a little pleasure to see Kieren fight to not cringe at the word. “Both men, and women.” He nods his head. “And it doesn’t matter. I know you say it does, but to me, it doesn’t. If I can just spend an eternity only with your lips and eyes, your beautiful eyes, then that is how I carry on. To me, it’s simple.” His hands slide down to Kieren’s ass, pulls him closer so that their middles touch. Kieren shivers. His hands stop fiddling once they reach Simon’s chest.

“Thank you for your honesty.” Says Simon sincerely. “Thank you for telling me what’s on your mind.”

Kieren nods, in a daze, staring directly into Simon’s eyes. “I don’t want to feel like a kid next to you. That’s all.”

“You’re anything but,” he assures. “Really. I promise you.” He sits up a little more, closes the distance a bit just to feel Kieren’s sweet, cold breath press over his skin. 

“Can I?” Simon asks, which confuses Kieren. It’s the first time he’s ever asked him before, ‘Can I kiss you,’ and it gives him a weird little jolt in his tar-filled tummy. He likes the feeling. 

He breathes, yes, but doesn’t know if Simon even hears it. His eyes close and he can feel it, the soft press of a pair of lips against his. He moves his mouth softly for a moment. The tiny smacks of their lips together twist something delightfully inside him. His hands slide up to Simon’s jaw, cupping it lightly so he can kiss him with more fervency. Simon pulls Kieren more firmly against him. He gasps. 

“What’re you doing?”

“Do you want to know?”

Kieren bites his lip. 

“Do you want to know what I would do?” Simon asks. “I want to show you what I would do to you.” He licks his lips, inviting Kieren to kiss him again.

Kieren nods. He lets himself be pulled back into their kiss, straddling Simon with some confidence now. He feels still shy, but in Simon’s lap he is putty. Simon squeezes his ass playfully, grinding upwards with his hips as he pulls Kier down. 

“You’d be hard, and I’d rub my cock against you like this.” Simon says against his lips in a gravelly tone, working a good rhythm between them. Kieren shivers, panicking only slightly at the fear of not knowing what to do with himself. He tries to swallow that fear. He ends up coming off stiff. Simon’s hands relent and instead smooth up the inside of Kieren’s shirt. He touches the lightly muscled back. 

In between slow, deep kisses, Simon whispers, “Okay? Is this okay?” Kieren nods, yet breaks away and hides his face in the crook of Simon’s neck. His ears should be burning, and he’s a little angry they’re not. 

“Get up.” Simon rumbles softly. 

“What? No, I-“

“Let me touch you.” He soothes. He cups Kieren’s face in his hands, giving him one long, sweet kiss before pushing him up and off and encouraging him to sit comfortably. 

“Can I?” He asks once he’s in between Kieren’s knees . His hands are at the edge of Kieren’s flannel. Kieren gives him a silent nod. Instead of pushing it up with his fingers, Simon dips down to kiss the skin there that is exposed. He nudges the fabric up with his nose, mouthing over every inch of skin he discovers.

“You taste good,” Simon smiles wryly, biting playfully once he reaches Kieren’s navel. 

“Jesus,” Kieren breathes, flustered. The coil in his stomach grows exponentially, and he can’t help but bite his lip and take a peak to Simon’s smiling and angelic face. 

“By the way, Kier,” He says. He finally lifts Kieren’s shirt up above his chest, looking him up and down eagerly. He catches Kieren’s steamed expression, nearly laughing when he sees it. He leans forward to graze his teeth just below the first row of Kieren’s ribs, “There is nothing, no where, that says we can’t have sex.”


	2. Not as Frightened as Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) its 3:30 excuse the unediteness
> 
> \- JUST updated, there was some shit in there that I was like “sam WHAT did you write that’s not even coherent bro”

The paintbrush between his fingers tremble. The strokes upon his wet canvas are jagged and of a dark tint, and he can’t seem to bring any color other than dark teals and reds and coppers. Kieren rests the brush onto a paper towel after dabbing at it until the oil wipes clean. 

He hasn’t seen Simon in days. He’d like to, of course he would, but that’s not the issue...

He pushes himself up from his work desk with vigor. “Fuck,” he whispers, embarrassed anger boiling in the black pits of his stomach. He rockets into his bedsheets and holds his head in hands. 

A knock at his door startles him out of his haze. Jem stands there, wet hair down and she wears a fluffy grey bath robe. She’s barefaced, and he feels envious. 

“Hello.” She warbles around her toothbrush. 

He sits up, and hears the bed creak beneath his weight. “Hi.”

“You alright?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

She shrugs one fluffy shoulder, brushing vigorously and staring unwaveringly. 

“What’s going on? You looks a bit quivery.” 

A deep sigh leaves him emotionally and physically deflated. Kieren gives her a long-suffering stare that she scoffs at. 

“Lemme-“ she motions to her toothbrush still in motion. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t want to choke.” He agrees, and once she leaves to rinse her mouth he searches frantically for the willpower of not tearing his hair out. When she’s back he still wears a silly, panicked look on him. 

She plops down next to him and crosses her legs. He notices with a bit of nostalgia that she’s wearimg the blue bunny slippers he got her ages ago for Christmas. She holds his hand, and he can smell the mint from her breath when she speaks. 

“Do you remember when you came out to me, an’ you thought you were gay?” 

His bushy eyebrows furrow. He shrugs. “Yeah. I do.”

“This feels a lot like that time.” Jem says seriously. She points her finger with accusation toward him. “An’ I didn’t like it at all because you cried all over me. But, _little_ brother... if you need a shoulder.” She pats her fuzzy shoulder before he shoves at it with a chuckle.

“No, it’s... it’s not really like that. Not this time. It’s a little different.”

She hums. She holds his hand, and for the first time she doesn’t make a face at the chill. A little quieter, she mumbles, “You don’t wear your mousse anymore. Nor the contacts.”

He clears his throat of the frog, the change in subject catching him off guard. “No. Not anymore.”

“For him?”

And he pauses. To think- to really give it some thought and answer her honestly. He thinks that at first he did, maybe to appeal to the older man in some way. But now... 

“It’s a lot of hassle. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, years and years of putting on that stuff. I get pimples,” he jokes exasperated, reaching to touch his cheek. She laughs a little with him. “I don’t want to hide it anymore. Everyone in town knows anyway. No point hiding me ghoulish mug anymore.” He chews at his lip. “I want to start doing things for me, instead of other people for once.”

Jem gives him a level quirk of a smile. “Is that your New Years Resolution?”

He snaps his fingers, “That’s good! Maybe it is.” They bump shoulders and make fun of the others’ laugh, and _God_ , he misses this. He misses his sister more than anything else. To hear her laugh, to feel her warmth and solidity next to him, to look into her dopey eyes and not see fear and disgust swirling inside them. It makes him feel good. 

“I’m going to head to bed. _Unless_ , there’s anythin’ on your mind.”

“No, no. Get some rest. You need to get on a better schedule on you for school coming up.” 

She blows a raspberry in his direction while she walks out, flipping him off before she shuts the door. He breathes once before she opens it back up to poke her head in.

“Goodnight, little brother.” She teases in good fun. She closes the door before his pillow can be met with her grinning face. Kieren is left alone again. His skin itches at the feeling.

Later on, he’s finally laying comfortably in bed. The lights are off, the rain conceals any sliver of moonlight that might peak out from the passing clouds. Yet, no matter how much he wishes for sleep, it doesn’t seem to search for him. 

And then, his phone rings. 

He nearly jumps out of bed, only to remember that he’s stashed it under his pillow to prevent him from obsessively checking it for any new messages.

Simon’s name pops up, along with his avatar of a snowman with a top hat. He hesitates to answer it fear of his own foolishness choking him. 

_You_ must _answer, you can’t ignore it forever._

“Kieren?” His gravelly voice presses like kisses into his ear. He doesn’t even remember answering it. His stomach is aflutter. “Kier. You awake?”

“Yes,” He says dumbly. Kieren presses his lips together tightly, holding on to every last noise he hears on the other line. 

“Alright.” Simon says. It goes quiet, save for their combined breath. 

“You alright?” Kieren asks. 

“Yeah. You?” 

“Yeah.” Simon gruffs. “Kier?”

“Yes?” His voice cracks and he mentally bashes his own brains out for it. 

“I’d like to see you tonight. Provided... you’re not busy.”

“Um...” he enunciates smartly. “Yeah. I can- we can do that. When? Where?” _What should I wear?_

Sounding eager, Simon answers, “Now. Here. At the bungalow. If you want.”

“I do, yeah.” Kieren breathes. 

“You’ll walk?”

“I dunno, it’s rainin’...” 

“I’ll meet you halfway.” Simon compromises. “Be careful.” He cautions before hanging up the line. 

Kieren dissolves into a sort of squish between his covers, moaning begrudgingly into the sheets. He peels himself out of bed to flick the switch for his lamp. He looks down at himself, at his white and veiny legs where his black briefs end. His body hair is very light-colored, not very heavy, but it’s there. Once in the 8th grade, a friend convinced him to shave everything. He caught a huge cloud from it with mum and dad, and never attempted the atrocity again until much later in high school for swim practice. He’s weirdly glad he stopped a little before he died, strangely glad he has any hair at all to speak of next to Simon. From what he’s seen, Simon is _very_...

“Alright, enough,” he chastises himself. He’s changed and out the door very quickly, not even bothering to bring a change of clothes or an umbrella. Simon will be just as soaked as he will be once they meet anyway. 

And he walks. It doesn’t take very long until he spots him in the middle of the road. Kieren laughs soft and incredulous, and when they’re near enough he calls out, “What’re you doin’ in the middle of the road at half past two?” 

Simon grins but doesn’t answer. He stops and waits for Kieren to come, and it isn’t until the blond is close to him until he speaks again. 

“Sorry.”

Kieren sighs. The rain runs through his hair, soothing for him even as it soaks his clothes and socks. “Me too.” He finally relents. “I haven’t been very mature in the past couple days, have I?”

“Kieren.” Simon says. He doesn’t like the tone the older man uses, just because it makes him _feel_ the need to blush. “You’re always going to be entitled to every action you make. I promise to never fault you for that, for listening to your gut. That’s why I’m sorry. For taking this too far.” He looks down to the ground when he says the last bit, voice deeper with thinly veiled emotion. 

Kieren squints at him. “That’s stupid.” Before he can say anything else, Simon holds out his hand for Kieren to take. 

“Let’s get to the bungalow first, _then_ I’d be delighted to hear of how intolerable I am.”

He does take it eagerly, gives it a squeeze. They walk the rest of the way in silence. 

Simon pushes the door open and Kieren notes that it was unlocked the whole time. “No key?” Simon shakes his head. 

“Nothing scarier out there than me.” He replies. Something pangs inside of the blond. 

“Id rather you be safe than sorry.”

“Shoes off,” motions Simon. They both strip their soggy shoes and socks off, and Simon shakes his hair out like a dog. He scrubs it through his hair with his fingernails, starting on the zip of his jacket next. Kieren watched as he goes, a little in awe. 

He wonders if Simon has always been this effortlessly attractive, or if becoming dead, undead, then partially dead somehow made him into this noxiously handsome fella that stands before him. He swallows a little too loud, saliva having pooled in his mouth. 

“Going to take it off?” Simon asks, ready to head deeper into the unlit house. 

“Yes,” Kieren ducks, listening to Simon retreat further while he strips his sopping wet jacket to hang dry. 

He follows to where he thinks Simon might be, to his room, and watches in the dark while he strips his shirt off for a new one. Kieren leans against the doorframe, eyes askew to his cold toes. 

“I have a dry sweater for you if you’d like.” Simon offers once he’s decent. At Kieren’s affirmation, he digs one out of his closet. Instead of tossing it to him though, he stands in from of him with the fabric. He looks Kieren very solemnly in the eyes.

“Before you take this from me,” Simon licks his lower lip, distracting the both of them, “I want you to know that I’m not here to take advantage of you. I know how old I am. _I_ know what kind of life I have lead before all this turned to shite. Yet,” he pokes a thick finger towards Kieren, “I am here not to trick you, lie to you, or get something out of you being here or summat.” He pushes his sweater into Kieren’s hands. “I just- want you to know what’s on my mind.”

“And it’s me?” Kieren asks, mentally kicking himself for the shyness in his voice.

Simon’s pinprick eyes roam over his face and the wet clothes that nearly pull him down to the ground. His pupils widen a fraction. “Yes.” He rumbles.

“Can you help?” Kieren asks. At first, Simon is unsure what he means until Kieren sets aside the dry sweater and tugs at the edge of his wet shirt. Simon breathes his affirmative. 

Slowly, he runs his fingers from the front of Kieren’s hipbones to the small of his lower back. He grips the damp fabric at his waist then to synch it up and over Kieren’s head. They take in the other’s tussled hair and hazy expressions. Kieren’s lips part on a sigh. 

Simon grabs him gently by the back of his neck to lead him into a gentle kiss. A few seconds of their lips moving together soundlessly. Kieren breathes blissfully, a weight off his heart. He opens his mouth against Simon’s and the tips of their tongues meet. The blond shivers excitedly, smiling through the kiss and even laughs flutteringly. Simon tightens his grip on Kieren’s neck and licks into the blond’s mouth. Kieren’s hands drop to find purchase at the front of Simon’s new shirt. They push up and up until they are equally bare chested, something Kieren has not yet fully seen. His right palm smoothes over a small tattoo on Simon’s shoulder. Kieren pulls back to take in the bruised flesh laid bare to him. He takes one good look at the dark hair of his chest that leads down to stomach, his navel, and below. His mouth runs dry instantly. 

Simon charges again, fueled by the hot look brewing on Kieren’s face. He dips down and picks him up by winding his arms around his hips and carrying him despite his squeaking and squabbling. Kieren is set down on Simon’s desk, legs spread apart easily to let the man come closer. He grabs at Simon’s throat, his neck and his strong shoulders, anything at all that can bring him closer yet. The wet smack of their lips boils something inside both of them. Music to Simon’s ears. 

Even so, he pulls back. “Kier,” He gruffs, baring his teeth as he breathes heavily. “Last time,” he says in between gasps, “last time, you stopped me. I am _glad_ you stopped me. I need to know if this is okay. Your honesty. It’s important.” He gives Kieren another searing kiss,fingers shaking when they graze across the blond’s chin. They take a moment just to breath against each others’ lips, taking in the fire and electricity jolting almost painfully between them. 

“I left because I was scared.” Kieren admits, mouseish . “I want you very much, I just didn’t think it possible, an’... there are times I’m afraid of _what_ I want from you sometimes.”

He pulls back. Seeing Simon and breathing without his sweet breath on his face helps to clear his head a little. “My sister asked me earlier tonight what was wrong with me. She’s noticed over the past few days I’ve been a little...” With a bit of mental editing, he says, “I want to try and make myself happy for once instead of following into other people’s decisions. I want to make my own choices. A couple of days ago, you gave me the opportunity to fully lose my,” He pauses to fluster, “virginity, and I was afraid of that. I needed to be sure, positive, it’d be my own choice and not some heat of the moment fling type of situation.”

Simon listens to him carefully, haven given him a little space so he can talk without pressure. Still, the sight of Simon leaning towards him with his hands on either side of Kieren, cornering him in with his strong arms, dark hair and darker eyes, makes Kieren want him even more. 

“Yes,” Kieren answers an unspoken question. “Yes. I want you to show me. If that’s what you want also. You just need to know, I haven’t done everythin’, I’m not that-“

And Simon ducks to kiss him again. This time, just like a couple of nights ago, his hands find Kieren’s ass and he brings their hips together. Kieren gasps noiselessly, spreading his legs farther apart for him. Simon nearly has him off of his desk as he grind against him, finally licking into his mouth and loaning at the taste of it. He rumbles deep in his throat as they both start to grow, and Kieren can’t get enough him.

“Take your pants off,” Simon growls, catching Kieren’s lower lip playfully. 

“You take them off.” Kieren counters. He scoots back up onto the desk and pushing his hips up. He lets Simon stare long and hard at his torso, the blond hair that sparsely grows on his chest until it forms again yet darker at his navel in soft wisps. Simon bites his lip, hiding a smile. 

“Bugger,” he breathes a laugh, not even bothering with the zip and button but forcing them down with effort. He drops to his knees immediately, seizing Kieren’s breath from his throat at the sight. Simon shimmies his jeans down more until they bunch at his knees. Unsure what to expect and more than a little nervous, Kieren twines his fingers in Simon’s curling hair. 

Simon takes a sweet moment to kiss the points of his hipbones. He savors it by grazing his teeth over the cold skin there and then licking, something that Kieren never thought would drive him into a flurry. Simon noses down further, mouthing over the fabric and eliciting a couple of breathy sighs from his counterpart. He laves his tongue down the blonde’s length, finding the head and sucking gently through the thin black fabric. 

“I know you’ve fooled around. Has anyone ever done this, Kier?” Kieren can _feel_ the words as they leave Simon’s mouth. He shivers, craves the sensation of those lips ghosting across him. 

“No.” He shimmers. “No.” Simon mouths more purposefully, teasing, his hand coming up to feel and palm him through his briefs. 

“I’m going to take them off.” Says Simon. Kieren nods, closing his eyes at the pervasive thought that somehow, if he does what he says he is. Simon will find him unattractive and get up and tell him to leave. He braces himself. 

The man’s fingers hook on the band of Kieren’s briefs, pulling them down so he pops right out. His toes curl into the rug with anticipation. One hand curls at the base of him, and suddenly Simon’s mouth is all over. He sucks him down so easily that Kieren nearly sees stars. A beautiful slurping sound accompanies each time Simon dips down and buries his nose in short dark hair. Kieren tries to grab anything he can on the desk to steady himself, rusting important papers and letters while he moves his hips weakly to meet Simon’s perfect mouth. His head rolls back between his shoulders while he is utterly and completely destroyed from the outside in. 

Simon’s hand finds his own. It guides him from the desk’s edge to the back of his skull. It isn’t until Kieren looks down to catch that dark, devouring expression Simon wears that he gets it. . He whimpers a little, teeth worrying his lip while his other hand curls carefully at the back of Simon’s head. It isn’t enough though, and Simon pulls off with a delicious pop. 

“Fuck me mouth, Kieren.” He demands hoarsely. Kieren rakes his nail through his own hair quickly before he stands up and away from the desk to move forward for better balance. Simon shifts back to accommodate him, undoing his zip to relieve the pressure. Kieren holds Simon’s head in his hands again, a little unsure of how hard he can really go. Simon takes him back into his mouth eagerly, eyes closed blissfully, grabs the blond’s ass and encourages him to begin again. 

Kieren’s resolve crumbles. He bares his teeth in silent pleasure while he fucks into Simon’s throat faster, harder, hearing the wet smack of his lips against his pale pelvis. If at all possible, Simon sucks even still greedily, drawing noises out of his throat that would shame him were he not having his mind completely shattered. 

When he opens his eyes to look down at the sight before him, he sees Simon’s shoulder bumping. It takes him a moment to discover that he’s stroking himself in time to Kieren’s thrusts. Heat boils low in his abdomen as he watches. 

 

“Si, you’re gonna make me cum,” he calls out a little frantically. He soaks every second of it up. He moans lowly around Kieren, making his knees truly buckle, and pleads with his swirling tongue for Kieren to blow. Fingernails dig into the flesh of Kieren’s ass as he sucks harder, takes him even deeper into his throat with every powerful pound, goddamn praying to drain Kieren of every last drop. 

Kieren cries out, gutted, once he’s on the brink. He pets Simon’s hair away from his wet forehead, watching as he swallows his cock and squeezes and tugs at his balls. At the first spurt of cum into his mouth, Simon slows down painfully but creates perfect suction to make his orgasm nearly tortuous. Kieren tries to pull away when it becomes too much, gasping out almost in pain when Simon continues to swallow his softening dick. He squirms, whimpering, pushing softly at Simon’s shoulders until he finally relents. Simon licks his lips, and on his tongue is black cum. 

Kieren laughs, incredulously at first, until he decides he just doesn’t care. He folds himself to the floor in front of Simon, holds him with one hand at his throat to lick and kiss the remainder from his mouth. 

“Am not going to ask.” Kieren says. 

“Ask what?” he croaks. 

The blond wiggles bashfully. “How many times it took you to perfect somethin’ like that.”

Simon gives him a real loud chuckle as he kisses the blond’s clavicle. “Are you calling me a slut?”

“No, just a truly committed poofter.” 

They kiss and nudge noses for a while, perfectly committed to staying there on the rug. 

It’s a while before Simon speaks. He’s tugging lightly at the hairs on Kieren’s thigh. “I never thought I could be this comfortable around someone.” He catches Kieren’s line of sight. “Thank you.” 

“You must say that to _all_ the pretty girls.” Kieren rolls his eyes. 

“Hey,” Simon pipes. “You’re not a girl. You’re you. Nothing wrong with being you. In fact, I quite like the ‘you’ you are. You’re very rare, Kieren. I wish you knew more about that yourself.”

Kieren catches Simon’s fidgeting hands and gives them a good squeeze. He looks down at their laps, bumping knees with jeans still bunches around them. “Sorry. Don’t really know how to carry on after... this.” He motions unnecessarily. 

“You get a lot less embarrassed and moony after you keep on doin’ it. And on, and on.” He simpers. “I’d like to see your confidence bleed into this, maybe, in the future.”

Kieren twiddles his thumbs against Simon’s fingers. “Yes, maybe... later on. And on, and on,” he teases. 

A light shove to Kieren’s shoulder and Simon is on his feet. He offers his hand to the blond, who stares at it for a good second before taking it up. 

“Stay the night?” 

Kieren wraps his arms around his middle. “Yeah, just got to leave early so me folks don’t get worked up.” 

Simon steps out of the remainder of his clothes, only to reach for a pair of blue stripe boxers. 

“Wait, Simon.” He pauses. “What about you? I can-“

“I’d rather not overwhelm you too much in one night. I’ll be fine.” He starts to pull them on, waving Kieren off and instead pulling the sheets back. “I have a dry pair just folded there, where you knocked them down. Yeah, on the chair there.” 

Kier goes through the pile to look for the tightest fitting ones, pulling them up gratefully only to stand in the middle of the room. 

Simon sits on his bed, staring. His eyes are soft as they look upon him. Kieren’s arms come back up to cold over his chest. 

“Come.” He says, holding his hand out. So he does.


	3. An Hour Spent

Will you set up the table, love?” Asks Sue, tending a skillet of popping dry rub chicken and vegetables. Kieren rises from the couch to follow up, but Jemima beats him to the kitchen cabinets. She swings the doors open and starts handing him plates.

“Yes, yes, we all know you’re the fastest and the sneakiest.” 

“You what?” Jem clucks, plucking four wine glasses from the tip top shelf. She fills them all with something sweet, a Chardonnay their mum buys when it goes on sale at the market. They both work together side by side, something Kieren truly had hoped to see again after he’d returned from Norfolk. 

Kieren comes up behind Sue. “Mum?” She hums, doesn’t turn around while cutting up the lettuce for their salad. “I’ve invited Simon over for dinner again. Hope that’s alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Passing it on to your dad would be lovely. Silly bloke likes to wear them fitted jeans when your fella is around. Can’t possibly imagine what that’s about.” She laughs a little shrill, finding her husband’s daily antics absolutely hilarious. 

“Gettin’ pretty serious, you two.” Jem comments from atop of the counter. She sits sipping what Kieren knows to be his glass of wine. He shrugs.

“He’s alright is all.” His shoves his hands deeply into his hoodie pockets 

“Whatever you say.” She sips obnoxiously while he goes to hunt for their dad. 

The doorbell rings at a quarter to 7. Kieren wipes his hands clean after washing them, shouldering past Jem to the door. He can see Simon’s silhouette through the glass. A smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. 

“Hello.” The blond says formally once the door is swung open. “Get your coat?” he says, helping him out of it and hanging it up on the rack. 

Simon’s hands find Kieren’s waist, eyes gleaming and grinning. They are bright blue tonight, his skin covered up peachy in mousse. 

“You could’a warned me you’d come all dressed up. I would have the chance to look halfway decent,” he jokes. His whitish pupils are uncovered, skin with parlor, yet he knows Simon simply loves him for it. They share a soft kiss together. Kieren can smell the chill lingering on Simon’s skin and clothes, the scent of rain and the outdoors like a cologne upon his neck. 

“Who’s that, love?” Sue calls from the kitchen, though she’s absolutely positively in the know. Kieren pulls away with an encouraging smile, leading him into the main room with their hands joined. 

“It’s Simon.”

“Hello, dear!” She steps away for just a moment to hurry over and give him a quick air kiss on the cheek. “You look well!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Walker, as do you.” Simon’s voice is a touch deeper when he speaks. More manly, Kieren thinks, but doesn’t understand why he does it. 

Jem hops from the counter. They can both tell she’d rather scurry away, but instead she offers him a glass of wine without word. “Thank you.” He pretends with her, touching his lips to the rim but never sipping. “Chardonnay?”

“You’ve got a nose on you, doesn’t he Jemima?” Sue gasps from the stovetop. 

Simon smiles. “Not to sound like a wump, but I was a huge fan of wine beforehand. Did tastings all across London and the countryside when we moved over the pond from Dublin. Not much of a drinker these days, unfortunately.” 

“How very refined.” Jem snips. She holds her tongue for a second, pushing it against her cheek. She glances at her brother’s falling expression. “Me myself, I like a good brew. Sours mostly. I like the tart, bit like candy.” Simon nods, hands folded behind his back. 

“Fancy meself a pale ale or pilsner.”

They go on through dinner all together, Steve having come in after changing into more suitable attire prior to Simon’s arrival. 

“So, Simon,” Steve starts, “Love to know a little more about yous. Where did you used to be, before you came here?”

“I grew up in Dublin, actually.” He replies. He cuts through the chicken on his plate as he speaks, slowly shredding it. “I grew up there most me life. Beautiful country. I’d love to return one day soon, after the travel ban lifts.” He says this with a warm and disarming smile, so as not to hold venom in his voice when he speaks about the ban. Politics and the living, very tricky business- especially when it comes to your boyfriend’s parents. 

“Do your parents still live there all the way in Ireland?”

His expression drops a tad, and Kieren holds his breath. “No, not anymore. We came over initially when me mum was ill. Got treatment for her where it was cheapest in Lancashire. Better to spend resources not in places like London, or even Dublin for that matter.”

Sue hums sympathetically. Voice softer, she asks, “Was she unable to complete her, uh, treatment then?”

“Oh, no, no. She got on very well afterward. She did a great job, mum. Me dad, he still lives south of here.” 

“A blessing to have both of them together. Do you have any siblings?”

He takes a pause for a breath, wishing he could take a sip of wine at this junction. No amount of wine or liquor would do well to serve his nerves. His gut clenches. “She did fall to other circumstances, I’m afraid. And no, I was a very spoiled only child.”

Steve clicks his tongue in dismay. “Well, Simon, I’m sorry to hear that. To your mum, then.” He raises his glass, kindness behind his crinkled eyes, and Simon matches it easily. They all clink the body of their wine glasses together and the Irishman even takes a tepid sip, appreciative.

Kieren finally lets go of the breath he was holding in. He holds Simon’s hand tightly underneath the table. 

Much later when the table is cleared, Simon is kissed goodbye, and Kieren’s family is asleep, the blond finds the chance to slip out and meet his fella outside. They make the walk back together, and once they reach the bungalow Simon moves to unlock the door. 

“A key?” Kieren perks up in interest.

“Someone told me to be safe rather than sorry, even though I _am_ the thing which go bump in the night.” Simon turns to smile flirtatiously at him over his shoulder. Kieren swats after him.

They watch the telly for a little while, pointedly avoiding anything news-related so as not to butt heads like they do. Simon runs Kieren’s clothed tummy while they cuddle up on the couch. Kieren has noticed that over the past few weeks, the work pile on Simon’s desk only grows, never dwindles. He chews at his thumbnail absentmindedly, only looking up when he feels Simon laugh. 

He turns to look, but Simon presses himself more firmly against the blond. Simon kisses his neck, any exposed skin, and the freshly buzzed hair at the back of his head. 

“What’re you laughing at?” 

“You.” 

“I’m not that funny.”

“Mm, maybe.” Simon agrees, sticking his tongue out playfully between his teeth when Kieren curses and goes to swat him some more.

Simon catches Kieren when he falls on top of him. They banter and snicker through their kisses together. Kieren wiggles himself in between the man’s legs to make himself comfortable. 

“We can go to the room,” Simon says between sweet pecks. 

“Mmm,” Kier hums. He takes pleasure in a few more kisses that become longer and deeper as time ticks on. Simon, with no small amount of effort gently presses Kieren up and away from within his lap. 

“I’d have you purr like that elsewhere,” Simon says. He rises up from the couch, slowly removing his shirt as he walks through the hall. Kieren eyes curiously at the long, deep scar stapled shut on Simon’s back. 

He hurriedly turns off the telly and the lights nonetheless, following his Irishman nearly by the heal. 

Simon turns around quickly to pick him up and toss him easily onto the made bed. 

“Come here.” Kier says to him. “I wanted to talk to you.” 

“About dinner?”

Kieren’s mouth quirks to side. “A little.”

“Anything you’d like.” He answers. He sits down to Kieren’s side, where he lays sideways with his head in his hand. Kieren looks up at him carefully through soft whitish eyelashes. 

“I really liked hearing that stuff about you today. And, I appreciate how you handled all of their hackling questions too...” they both snicker at that, until they don’t, and Simon’s expression grows into something painful. 

“I knew it’d come up at some point if you’d decide to keep me around. Life is full of sad truths, Kier. Honesty comes easier to me as I get older.”

“Were you not always so honest?”

“Not always, no.” Simon lays down next to him, mirroring his position and resting his head in his hand. With the other hand, he tickles up and down the blond’s arm and on any exposed skin he could appropriately touch. He revels in the way goosebumps rise across his flesh. His nipples perk too, and Simon grazes one softly with his thumb. “I used to be a very unmanageable bloke, Kier.”

“Looks like you’re managing quite well now.” He tries optimism. 

“I am. Took long enough, didn’t it?” He gestures to their surroundings. He gives Kieren a wolfish grin, leaning in to catch his lips before the blond starts asking more questions. 

“Get some rest, aye?” Simon whispers. 

“Hmm,” the blond harrumphs. He cuddles up and gets cozy next to his counterpart. “You brought me all the way here just so you can watch me sleep, eh? Creepy bloke, should’ve known it from the start.”

“Aye.” Simon sucks in a breath of air. “Or maybe, just maybe, I like wakin’ up next to you.”


End file.
